No single person knows what is going through my mind right now... Part of me says keep going but the other part keeps saying why are you still trying?
I am trying to seek Jesus, but where is he?
If I drive, I want to drive into a tree. If I walk, I want to jump off the mountain. If I had a gun, I would pull the trigger. If I had a knife, I would cut and slit my wrists and legs to deep.
There is no person I can turn to anymore. My closest friend doesn't understand what I am trying to tell her, nor is she able to talk when I need her the most (the real world sucks). My other close friend tells me to do whatever I want, she doesn't encourage me to stay alive she says if I want to end it then why not (she also suffers from depression). And the only other friend that I turn to now shouldn't have to carry this burden with me or for me anymore.
Why should I still be here? I am at a loss of what to do... Should I stay or should I just go? Only time will tell. And I just wish I could decide on what to do! In reality I am giving up, but I just don't want to let those certain people down...
Is there anything left for me? If so, I wish I could know and see it so I would know to stay or not...
I just don't know what to say or do anymore. I am just a emotionless person walking around. The only thing I have been feeling is worthless, hopeless, helpless, unloved, uncared for, and invaluable. There is nothing for me in this life anymore...
I am tired of trying, tired of escaping, tired of being alive.
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