Going Through the Motions

I have been noticing lately that I am just going through the motions trying to get people off my back. There is so much love and support that I have at college yet I just keep pushing it away. People say that it is not good to keep things bottled up inside, however I rather do this than tell them lies about how I am faking my feelings. For some reason I just can't be happy. It is like a curse. I have finally let go of what happened to me in the past and it isn't bothering me anymore. Yet, I still feel miserable. I am trying to give myself to God but that doesn't seem to help either. It is day by day I am just going through the motions to get through the day and go onto the next one. There is no reason for me to feel like the way I am… But I do and there is nothing I have found to do anything about it. No matter what I feel as if I will never get away from the cutting, alcohol, and smoking…. It is just more calming than talking anymore. Going through the motions is just my normal everyday life at this point… What more can I do? I am at the point where I want to give up, but I know I can't...