Just Another Dark Place

All I see is darkness in my mind, my heart, and my soul. I can see myself just sitting there typing up this blog, but I don't feel like I am actually here writing it. My life is just being played out in front of me like a horror movie. Day by day goes by and I just don't know why I am here. My life is a joke. It is hard to realize that I am on the earth for a reason, because at this moment I don't want to be on the earth any longer. This shouldn't be what an 18 year old thinks about. To any other person I am a nice, smart young lady who has her head on her shoulders. But what they really don't know is that I have been through hell and back and I cannot take it anymore. After rape, abuse, emotional distress, suicide attempts, cutting, smoking, and drinking I have had one hell of an 18 years. And after looking back on what miserable 18 years I have had it shows me that I can't take it anymore. I don't know how much longer I can live like this. My world is so dark and messed up, I feel like it is pretty much impossible to get into the light and turn around.  I just do not know what to do. This is just a normal day in my life… It never changes. Depression is a killer.